Ziggy Stardust & The London Eye

My dearest momanimal,

We arrived save and Sound but our trip is a Story in it's own. Not because of Tonie, she was a blast! Totally cute, she insisted on fasten her seat belt thing and was very serious about it. I fear that you left me your travel fever... It is simply different to travel with small kids. All the packing and prepairing, the food to take and the games to organize... No dozing over a people magazine, looking around, having a cappuccino, trying lipgloss in the duty free... Well, and what do ya know my passport was out of date. I was at the gate perfectly on time and the passport control lady didn't let me go on board. I had to get a new five day passport at the aiport and then had to take the next flight. Plus a 30 min lays. Makes 2.5 hours travel time on top of all and a very tearful- almost fallen into pieces - mum. Because of your departure I am just very edgy whenever anything unexpected happens. Changing the flight should have cost me more than 450 euros but somehow the Lufthansa support ladies made it happen and we could take the next flight for the basic fee. I am so very thankful to them. I was so excited about Tonie's and my first trip. I really was devastated when the boarding lady just didn't let me through. Thanks! I only met the nicest and most helpful strangers yesterday, one after the other! Even though I was a drama queen and it was my fault to begin with.

In London! We wanted to visit the David Bowie exhibition in the Victoria and Albert museum but there was such a long queue! I really want to see it... And as I have lived in Paris for many years without going on top of the Eiffel Tower or the Arc de Triomphe and I lived in New York without EVER going to the Statue of Liberty - it is so shameful I am scared to put it down on a screen here- I now really, really want to go onto the London eye - enormous wonderwheel right by the river Thames. And which means lots of queuing, too. Add two toddlers and a their tiny agendas: enjoy the ride...

What we did do today: we had breakfast at a french-sich cafe, left early because of the little temper of my friends son. Visited a butterfly exhibition, I left early because tonie was scared of humid, noisy environment. Had coffee at a friends place whom I have'nt seen since.... 2001?  Even though I always really liked here but I fear I wronged at some point. Another story.

Tonie: somehow she seems to believe that I have some kind of mean plan to leave her behind! She makes very sure that I

A don't forget her

B don't leave the stroller anywhere outside where we can't see it

C don't let the car service guy run off with our suitcase

She even recognized our suitcase on the luggage conveyor belt...One and a half! It's all I have to say. She is gifted. And very cute. Oh and she once again was so sweet when I cried at the passport office. Stroked my knee. I explained everything to her. Ahhh! I feel ashamed and proud at the same time that she is so empathic... (Ashamed because my toddler comforts me)

I love you! I will select images and post them later on. I hope you are doing fine....

Anger Issues

I can't really remember myself as an angry person. But somehow during pregnancy I became angrier, I suddenly started to flip while ion the car when people drove strangely. Or said something. After Tonies I returned to my smooth, relaxed self most of the time. But since you died it's back: Angry Me! I get mad: I throw phones, doors, shoes. It scares me. I am impatient with me and others. I get mad at my clients and have the feeling as if I can't take it anymore. It's as if I am boiling inside.

All the things I should have done. I should have helped you more than I did. I should have made you go through chemotherapy last year. I should have been more aware of what breast cancer means. I am so mad that I believed all those articles about how they can heal BC today and how good the chances are. But just part of the statistics are mentioned and the little footnote is missing. I was so naive and just wanted to believe you were on the right side of all the stats.

I've never been so angry before! Why didn't I stay with you all those weeks? Why did you die? Why are you not here for me? It goes against others, Tom and Tonie and friends who don't call and just write quick texts and expect me to answer and tell them what Christmas was like. Are you kidding? First Christmas after the death of my mother and you want me to tell you all about it in a text message? Why don't you call and just ask me? Talk to me? Why don't you take the time and listen if you ask stuff like that in the first place? I don't have to talk about my mother all the time. I am able to do small talk. So there is no need to fear a phone call with me.

Blechhh. Anger, anger, anger. After a few calm days away, first came the tears, know the anger again.

Yesterday my cashmere client invited us to her temporary popup store cocktail happening and I met jewelry designer Susa Beck and  fell in love with her ring designs. Uhh, I wish I could afford one of these fairy-tailish, surreal rings.

I love you.

Schilf Medium Vent Vert – Dita Fruit Lemon Squash – Uroboros

Paris Photo

After taking a break last year for Tonies birth I could meet with AC at Paris Photo again this year. First trip all by myself. First time flying again without worrying about a crying baby just reading, looking, sleeping. I didn't even spent a whole day there. I basically arrived at the Palais Royal around six. Looked through all the photographs and loved it. Had a glass of champagne. Went for dinner in the same restaurant. Talked and talked back in the appartment. Which is funny as AC and I used to be roommates in exactly this appartment 15 years ago while we studied at Parsons. It always feels like time travel in a good way. I haven't really thought about how different our topics were than ever before this year. With Tonie in my life and you gone. Very, very different than 2 years ago.

Robert Morat Gallery Strange I could find every photograph except for the House of Cards...

see the website & original here Jessica Backhaus

Christopher Guye Gallery Rarely have seen photographs that capture the power of nature.

Danziger Gallery Christopher Bucklow left & middle, Susan Derges right

I like the gallerist mirroring the image in the back