Annie Leibowitz & Home Assignments

About three years ago you gave me the book "Annie Leibovitz at work" for Christmas". I have a very strange / stupid way with coffee table books – a stupid term anyway – or exhibition catalogues which is I am fascinated by them but I never really, really look at them. Same with Leibowitz's book. I was so excited and surprised when you gave it to me... you rarely gave "surprise presents"...  But I suddenly started flipping through it again.

She describes her years in school in San Francisco, how she walked around with her camera every morning. If you don't have your camera with you you can't take the picture. You have to train yourself and your eye in order to find the image... 

Somehow I lost the ability to just go out, walk around and take pictures of something, anything, really. I used to do it all the time, I was very serious about it. My excuse to stop was / is that Munich doesn't offer too many exciting views. The truth is, however, after several years in New York I had become lazier camera wise, too. I switched to video, had a new incentive and focus until it faded little by little. Once out of college and in the working world everything changes again. Assignments become projects, projects becomes jobs, jobs become chores. I realize that I don't take myself as serious anymore. Spending time on something has to be goal-oriented, meaning money. Not very helpful for the creative, artistic process. 

Starting today I will take my camera and go out looking for the image. My second New Years resolution since yesterday. It is in fact my middle of the month resolution. Write every day, just a little, sketch something and concentrate on photography for 25 min every day whether it is editing or shooting. We'll talk again in June. I'll keep you posted.

Christmas Cards?

Dearest Mom.

Finally I put together the Christmas Cards I did this year. I did several for companies but the most fun are the ones for families. Especially families I have been portraying for the past few years. I started all design with J and O – I did the letter shoot with them an it was hilarious! We all had lots of fun. Whereas a few years ago (age 6 months and 2.5 years) they were so shy towards me when I arrived with all my equipment, lights and tripod. By now they know I'll show up sooner or later and they just go with it and are actually excited to make pictures again. I should add the Christmas of the Two from last year and two years ago when they just jumped on the bed!

Unfortunately Tonie's card didn't get finished yet. With bracelets and all. Now I am thinking about sending a New Years Greeting? Easter Greeting? I don't know yet, I just love the collage concept. And I want to send cute pictures of my daughter, TOO! Right now all the images of Tonie used in the design were shot while you were still alive. Something that always goes through my mind. In this picture of me I still have a mother.... I bought this shirt with you. Last time I was here, I was with you. The jolts of pain are back with force. Several times a day I think of you and can't believe you really, really won't be back. I still can't understand or believe it. And each time I think of you shoots through me: You are dead.

Our heater is broken. We are at your place, it is so cold at our place. To be here and stay overnight. Strange again. I am tired.

I love you and I miss you. Please come back.

J & O letter design... first I thought it wouldn't work... but – shift, move and bla – now it does.

A more classic baubles design I translated from a fashion client Xmas Card.

Tonie!

Bracelet Week

My beloved Mom,

I haven't counted how many little envelopes with bracelets I packed in the course of this week. The dining room has become a crowded, chaotic, mailing center. I believe 500-600 bracelets left by mail this week. I am soooo tired, every night I tried to keep track of emails, orders, transfers, packaging, wrapping, colors. I thought having something in a magazine like Instyle and receiving thousands of orders was an urban legend. But it isn't. Not a thousand orders though, but I wouldn't haven been able to handle more than I received anyway. Orders finally slowed down Thursday and I am relieved and sad... since yesterday the crushing pain is back.

Tonie constantly tries to get her hands on anything. Or she gets mad because she is bored crawling under the table not being able to make a mess with her little tiny octopussy fingers. If she is suddenly very quiet... she probably has found something she can unpack. Every DVD of Season 5 and six of "Friends" has been removed from its case. Once she has emptied every case she goes looking for my handbag. Ah, the wallet. And all the receits have to go and the change goes into my boots.

If you were alive I knew you'd been here every day, helping me with something, anything, packing or doing a post office run, buying envelopes and stamps, labeling orders, sorting emails. Like you did for me when we prepared my exhibition in the studio, hanging everything, preparing the bar and the music, hoovering the floor the last minute or helping me finish 400 tiny felt-loveletter-clutches. The entire process made me miss you even more and realize how much I counted on you as my emergency assistant-partner. At the same time I didn't miss you at all this week, because it felt as if you were there. As if you were right by my side and we were doing all this together.