One of my greatest regrets is not having taken enough pictures of you during your last weeks. As we knew you would die. Sometimes I secretly took Iphone recordings of your voice while we had a few of our last every day conversations. But it just isn't enough. If I was in the sam e situation today I would take pictures and videos of you all the time - ALL THE F... TIME. But in reality I simply didn't want to stick a camera into your face, reminding you constantly that your life was ending any day. However, it makes me so very, very sad. I wish for so much more of you, so much more I could hold on to. I don't even have one perfect image of you, me and Tonie, us three together.
I thought about getting lights and everything up once. All of us were there, brothers, nieces, Tonie and Tom. But I just couldn't. I didn't feel like it, couldn't face it. I will regret it forever.
What difference does it make? The important images are in my head and this longing for pictures of you wouldn't fill the emptiness and yearning inside myself. Smush, sappy, teardrops, blah!
Just another loss. I love you. And in the end what does it matter, I have all the memories I need in my heart.
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