London, tombstones & skyping with the Dead

Dear Mom,

Tonie and I are going to make our first big trip to London next week. Just us two. We are visiting a friend and her little son. I am really excited... so far flying has been kind of difficult with her but she has been travelling with Tom and by now she knows a plane gets her someplace new and adventurous. I hope we'll have a good flight... without screaming?

I have been talking to the tombstone lady today. That's the last thing to do. Finding a stone design for you. I miss you very much again. I am seeing photos of you and I cannot, cannot, can't believe I will never see you again? You look so cute and beautiful and I just want to hear you say anything, call me by my nicknames. I am so sorry... for everything. It feels so wrong that you died.

Up, up, up. Look at my images from my last London trip in 2005!!!! I was so young! So much happened since! I lived in San Francisco! You had breast cancer for the first time... and I came back. I fell in love with an impostor. Moved in with an impostor. I had a quick and exciting career in publishing. Broke up with the impostor after fighting like crazy. At the very end after one of my last desperate stunts for him you just said it once – Sweetie, let go, he doesn't love you – if I would be in dead end situation like that toady, who would tell me? I did let go and decided to live happily ever after! I met Tom! Had a wild crazy love story with lots of Italy, Israel and paradise in Greece. Married Tom. Moved again and here is Tonie, the cutest girl ever. I wish I could tell you about her. All those little things she does and how she grows and evolves. How I enjoy being with her. How I love being a mom like I never anticipated.

Look at those pictures! I was so young. Youth really is wasted on the young. I just did an image shoot for the bracelets and I have wrinkles like crazy around the eyes. I seriously aged since my last time in London... phew.

I love you and I miss you. Do you think that one day we will be able to make people alive again? Or to skype with the deceased? I miss you. I miss you. I feel terribly lonely without you.