today is the first day I can lift my head up again. Sometimes the pain feels unbearable. Though I really know heartbreak I never experienced this crushing pain.
Anyway. Looking ahead. A little pick me up:
The week you died, Instyle Magazine emailed and asked for images of my bracelets and my tattoos! They wanted to feature them for their January issue. I didn't think about it as you never know with magazines – and I had other things on my mind. But yesterday my tiny onlineshop arose from it's beauty sleep and several orders tumbled into my mailbox... Yay! I spent yesterday morning in your place waiting for a delivery and quickly brought the shop up to date. Now it is a Christmas Shop. Look below.... I really like the colors. Ooh, I will upload all the Christmas Card designs I just finished for clients....
The bracelet & tattoo disaster really is a story in itself. And it was about time something positive happened to this doomed endeavor. I have often wished I had stopped the process the minute we knew about your diagnosis. On the other hand it probably kept me afloat thinking through the designs, finishing the illustrations for the tattoos... I just prepared the different orders and I remembered how you wanted to help me to tie the bracelets. You had always helped with all this little handy stuff of my different products. Only this time your hands were shaking just a tiny bit and you couldn't really hold them still. We just went on and you worked slowly and it broke my heart. Breaks my heart right now and all the pain is back with a blast. My dearest, best and greatest Mom. I miss u so. I don't know what to do without you. I hope you are well wherever you are. I love you I miss u I wish u hadn't died.
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