Family time

My sweetest & cutest Mom,

I miss u. Today felt better. I met with my brothers. It's tough to establish a new bond. Without you. We are just so very, very, utterly different. We went looking for a gravestone. What wonderful to-dos! Yay.

Now you are there for real. I think I have to get used to it. But unexpectedly I do like the idea that I can visit you, even if it's nothing but your ashes. Whereas before I never liked the concept of a graveyard.

Talked about the house. What to do with all your things? What to do with your home in the mountains? And at this point I don't care about anything but your bedroom and dressing room. I like to got there, to look at your clothes, flip through them and to lie on your bed while Tonie makes a mess on your bedstand. Boooh, the image of me browsing around is spooky. But what can I say, it helps me feel close. And once your clothes and room are gone your smell will fade away also... SPOOKY!

Anyway. I try. I started the Grief Recovery book – which I will explain to you – but there are assignments to do which I naturally dread. Lighter stuff... The night before your burial, Tonie and I changed the sheets to get my mind of things or in order. Or whatever. She happily freaked out, me too. With a strange mixture of happiness and sad tears.