My dearest Momimal,
we spent the past week in Austria. Best weather, good mood. I left work behind, didn't take a single project with me and I went skiing everyday! I even stopped reading on my kindle while sitting in the ski-lift. For the first time in months I could let my mind wander without getting trapped in sadness.
Listening to talk-shows while falling asleep, reading bs magazines while eating, bathing... keeping the mind busy... Whatever. Just sitting in the ski-lift enjoying the view without much to think about... ahhhh...
I really felt quite ok for the entire week. One day one my skies I felt fluffy and light, smooth even, quick and painless. Unfortunately the weight sunk back on my shoulders once we are back home.
But better. I finished the grief recovery book. Once, didn't do the assignments, though. So now I start from the beginning again and will do it properly. I feel able to let things go. I emptied your closet in Austria, it feels less serious than your Munich walk-in. Your night gown was hanging behind the door. I had left it there for the past weeks. I moved your makeup stuff. I cleaned the drawers in your bathroom. I removed your hair from the brushes. Usually stray hair anywhere is disgusting. But your hair today... It is the only true part of you that still exist and that I can see. I left your brushes untouched because they made me feel close to you. Effing Hair! Anyway. I am ready and I can let go of your hair now. Ha! I started with one brush and will continue with the others.
Can't go on, Tonie is crying for dear life, babysitter is with her but she wants to make very sure, I know that she hates spending time with the sitter.
I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment