I wish you were here. I wonder where you are. Thinking about time. The time we had. What time felt for you when you knew you would die. Now there is no time for you. Waiting for the urn to crash or whatever an urn does to disintegrate.
I was about eleven when I played around with a selfmade towel doll. Awa, about maybe... 63 at that time – younger than you – watched me and explained how the experience of time changes while growing older. And I used to feel time speeding up, days disappearing and weeks rushing by. But since my pregnancy time became slohoowwwwww. Waiting for Tonie, 3 wks, 4 wks, 12 wks, 20 wks, waiting for her to grow, to be born, we moved... waiiiiitin for her arrival for hours on end, our first exciting months. Your diagnose and waiting for your death and waiting to learn how to live without you. My time feels like eternity. Probably a good thing.
All I wish for Christmas is you. I miss u. Come back. This is no fun.
PS the quote is from "Girls". I gorged through the first season last weekend. I hated the first and the second episode while knowing I was hooked. You will be shocked and you will wonder whether live's like that for twenty something. Gawd, they are awkward. I remember.
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