2012

Years ago – I was about 8 – we spent a couple of days in Lisbon before vacationing by the sea. A gypsy woman somewhere in the streets close by a farmers market wanted to read your palm and tell your future. I was mesmerized, I so wanted to know my future, even if it was a dramatic one. The memory is all tangled with one of the "Sissi" movies. You denied me my wish and explained how important it is not to know what lies ahead of us. I didn't understand. It was so much more exciting to know!

Imagine we had known in 2011 hat this year would be your last. The year you'd die. What if I had known since I was a kid that I would loose you before my 40th birthday. What would I have done differently? Everything! Nothing?

For New Years last year Tom and I had decided to live an utterly uneventful year. Since we met in 2009 so much had happened. We moved in together, we took our first trips together. We lost a baby together. We got engaged and married. We moved and we welcomed Tonie. So much had happened, we decided to simply enjoy and relax and concentrate on the present. Claim of certainty. You get in in almost every movie. It is one of my favorites.

I will never wish for anything on New Years ever, ever again in my life. Never. Ever. I love you and I miss you, please come back.

PS All these thoughts running thorugh my head while on the slopes by myself today. Reason enough to suffer in style once again: I bought a peplum Proenza Schouler jacket in lapis blue, black and bordeaux (outlet: half prize, it's no fun any other way). You would love it!